'I feel Nothing' #mentlhealthawareness

'I feel Nothing' #mentlhealthawareness

This is a little terrifying for me to post something that I have not only written, but also experienced and then filmed! I have battled depression on and off for over a decade, and it has varied in its intensity. Some times it has been very mild and like an overall numbing to everything around me. Other times on the real bad days I have curled into a ball and not moved. 

Other than close family and friends who have always been a massive support, most would never know the decade long battle, because I put alot of effort into appearing to be ..Just Fine!

'I'm Fine', 'I'm ok', 'I am all good'....with a little smile and most people would never pick up on the signs. It is no ones fault, most who go through depression purposefully disguise the pain they are going through. We don't want to be seen as weak, or have to deal with pity looks or people walking on egg shells round us. But we are in pain and we pour alot of energy in to pretending we are not in pain!

I now recognise the signs when another bout of depression is about to hit and I work hard to mentally help myself out of the black hole, I increase my yoga and other work outs, I meditate, listen to affirmations, repeat affirmations more importantly I surround myself with loved ones. I know how depression can force you to give in, to break you. But I always remember this quote (sorry can't remember what film it is from):

"It takes seconds to choose to fall apart, but can take a life to piece yourself back together" (Again sorry that may not be the actual words, but you get the jist)

It is a battle with depression, but one I know I will win because even though I may have some bad days, I choose not to fall apart. I have fallen apart before and it took a long time to get ME back.

This monologue is a reflection to how I had felt back on some of my darker days. I hope anyone who is going through something similar remembers this....Even though it feels never ending, NOTHING lasts forever. It is hard but it can get better! More importantly there is always help out there, there is always someone who will listen.

Everyone deals with depression differently, everyones level of pain is different, we all as a society just need to be more mindful and aware of everyone around us. You never know what a persons story is.


Peace and Love


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